Grave Family Matters

A Place to Remember

Whenever I see a rickety-old house or a barn falling in on itself I wonder, when or why did someone stop caring for it? There is something sad when a structure is torn down or lost to neglect. It may or may not be of significant historic or cultural importance, but it was of importance once, to someone. If the community cares enough, a memorial or roadside marker might be erected. This is a nice touch, as it gives those that did care a place to go to remember.

The Beauty of a Gravesite

The mortal remains of our ancestors rest in a variety of places, each uniquely special: Family vaults, private graveyards, military cemeteries, church yards, and garden cemeteries. I have come to appreciate and enjoy the beauty, history, artistry, poetry, solitude, and even mirth of cemeteries. Some call themselves “Memorial Gardens.” That’s a pleasant term, unlike “boneyard,” which IS somewhat blithe, but humor too resides there alongside the dolor. The tombstone of Mel Blanc, who gave voice to Bugs Bunny and numerous other cartoon characters reads: “That’s All Folks.” On another, “I told you I was sick.” Ann Lucas Maybank Lawton, below, left an apology for her no-account husband.

Sometimes, the stones spell out or fill out the story of a life. Though we have been unable to confirm where he was born, or even substantiate the 1908 birth date, we learned a great deal about our 3rd great-grandfather Richard T. Turner (ca. 1808-1877) just by contemplating his stately tombstone.

No Tombstone?

One of my biggest surprises was just how many gravesites have no tombstone at all. In some cases, we may suspect a certain ancestor is buried in a specific site, but with no stone and no burial record, it remains only a suspicion. The records are pretty good (but not perfect) at Savannah’s Bonaventure Cemetery. In one particular lot, at least ten (and we think as many as 14) of our working-class 19th and 20th century relatives are buried. The plot contains zero headstones. Only a broken footstone with the family name on it tells us we are in the right place. In many cases, of course, stones are vandalized, crumble with time, or are removed and for whatever reason never replaced. There is no sign that this plot ever had any stones, however.

Lost and Unknown Graves

Sadly, some burial sites have been lost to history. One particular family example from a previous post:

Dr. Peter Wagener II (1717-1774) donated 25 acres of his land to found the town of Colchester, Virginia on the Occoquan River. His estate “Stisted” was named for his birthplace in England. Dr. Wagener married Catherine Beverly Robinson (1715-1776), from a politically prominent Middlesex County family. The remains of the Wageners, our 6th great-grandparents, were reportedly reinterred in Pohick Churchyard from “Stisted” sometime in the mid 20th Century, though one source surmises that only a single tombstone was moved and the human remains were lost to suburbanization.

Others of our ancestors final resting places are unknown to us. Our 3rd great-grandparents John Bell (1792-1864) and his wife Margaret Bythewood (1810-1862) fled inland from their home in Beaufort, South Carolina when the U.S. Civil War landed on their doorstep. Each died in Spartanburg before the fighting was over, and we do not (yet) know where they were buried. The place and time of death for others is uncertain, and/or perhaps there is no memorial at all. Margaret Bythewood Bell’s father John H. Bythewood, for example, a ship’s captain, is believed to have been lost at sea around 1815.

Cremation and…

In recent times it is increasingly common to cremate one’s relatives, then either spread their ashes, or put the urn on a mantle. While usually well meant, not providing the ashes a proper burial violates Church teaching on the dignity and eternality of the human person. More to the point at hand, it deprives future generations of a place to go to remember.

A Guide to Family Burial Sites

The mortal remains of our ancestors rest in a variety of places, each uniquely special: Family vaults, private graveyards, military cemeteries, church yards, and garden cemeteries. I have been able to visit the burial sites (or memorial stones) of many of these ancestors over the past few years, most on the east coast from Maryland down to Florida. God willing, I will post about each of these locations, and pinpoint the gravesites as many relatives as I can. Stay tuned.