A Reflection on Spiritual Friendship and Suffering
“Do you want to be well?”
John 5:6
He went to the waters seeking a miracle. He had been ill a long time, and was tired of suffering. It was there that, among all the others at the waters looking for healing, Jesus chose to speak to him: “Do you want to be well?”
Faithful Friend
A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he that has found one has found a treasure. There is nothing so precious as a faithful friend, and no scales can measure his excellence. A faithful friend is an elixir of life; and those who fear the LORD will find him. Whoever fears the LORD directs his friendship aright, for as he is, so is his neighbor also.
Sirach 6:14-17
Harold Gomes is my friend. He and his family have been parishioners at our large 5,000+ member parish since Harold was a boy. We had a nodding acquaintance with the Gomes family, but had not introduced ourselves until Harold and I both attended the same parish book study about five years ago. From then on and until the pandemic we frequented the weekly faith-sharing group they hosted each Advent and Lent and enjoyed their hospitality on numerous other occasions. In addition I spent an hour or two in their sitting room each week for personal study and mentoring, and during our time together their phone and doorbell would each ring sporadically as extended-family members and friends called and popped by to visit. Harold and I primarily spent our time praying together, sharing our successes and struggles, and streaming Catholic programming, but we’d also talk about sports and current events.
To live in the world It is necessary to unite together in holy, sacred friendship. By this means they can encourage, assist, and lead one another to perform good deeds. Men walking on level ground do not have to lend one another a hand, while those who are on a rugged, slippery road hold on to one another in order to walk more safely.
St. Francis de Sales, Introduction to the Devout Life
Encourager
When Barnabas arrived in Antioch and saw the grace of God, he rejoiced and encouraged them all to remain faithful to the Lord in firmness of heart, for he was a good man, filled with the Holy Spirit and faith.
Acts 11:23-24
Barnabas, a companion of the Apostle Paul, is also called an apostle (“sent one”) in Acts 14:14. Barnabas has been translated to mean “Son of Encouragement.” Harold too was heaven-sent – to encourage me and others. I like to think in some ways we encourage him as well. I know he and I challenge each other to be better men and Catholics. He is a good man, filled with the Holy Spirit and faith.
Spiritual Mentor
Harold’s middle name is Thomas, and like the Apostle to India (who was far from being a doubter), Harold is faithful and courageous, cerebral and inquisitive. I have often been struck by the depth of his insights and the penetrating questions he asks. When we met he not only guided our studies but introduced me to many other heavenly and earthly spiritual mentors.1 We attended online men’s retreats together and read and discussed numerous books.2 We have taken three semester-long classes together and dozens of lectures and live events through the Institute of Catholic Culture, Formed.org, and other sites, nearly all through his suggestions and initiative. Harold’s thirst for knowledge reflects a great love of Jesus, the Church, and his neighbors. That love has inspired my deeper relationships as a result. I am confident that his love has influenced a great many others as well.
United to Christ and the Cross
Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me.
Matthew 16:24
Harold was diagnosed with a debilitating disease as a boy, and has since endured physical and emotional miseries that would have broken all but the most courageous and resolute. Harold admits that it was overwhelming for many years, until he realized the power in his weakness, and the value of redemptive suffering. As Harold relates in his testimony, it was ultimately through his suffering that he became united to Jesus on the Cross. It was through his suffering that he truly felt the love of God. And it is through his humble and often joyful perseverance in the midst of that suffering that many like me have been drawn to Harold, and through his example, feel emboldened to take up our own cross and follow Jesus.
“Don’t Waste Your Suffering!”
Harold was recently asked by a prison chaplain to share a message with the inmates. He encouraged them to persevere in their imprisonment. “Everything we go through in life can be offered for the good of others,” Harold wrote. “How powerful is suffering when it is connected to love! Don’t waste your suffering! God unites our suffering to His on the Cross. The good thief suffered with Christ. Jesus was innocent, but the thief was not. Those of us who suffer need only look to our left to see Jesus suffering along with us. We need only say, “Jesus, remember me…” and listen as He assures us, “This day, you will be with me…” The bad thief wasted his suffering. Some people go through their whole life wasting their suffering and end up Hell. Their entire existence is a symphony of suffering. Which thief am I? Which thief are you?”
Do You Want to Be Well?
The deepest desire of the human heart is to find love and relationships that last forever.
Ralph Martin, The Fulfillment of All Desire
Jesus is speaking to you now: “Do you want to be well?” What is the cross He has asked you to bear? Do not suffer it alone. Look to your left. Feel God’s love. Look to a godly friend. Share that love. How powerful your suffering can be when connected to love!
1 St. Therese of Lisieux, Servant of God Emil Kapaun, Father Larry Richards, Father Wade Menezes, Bishop Robert Baron, Professor Scott Hahn, and too many others to mention.
2 The Fulfillment of All Desire by Ralph Martin, 33 Days to Morning Glory by Fr. Michael Gaitly, Consecration to St. Joseph by Fr. Donald Calloway, and Life of the Beloved by Fr. Henry Nouwen, to name just four.
No Comments